Meredith's Musing of the Moment

- Zicam is a really weird word. Zicam...

- I love chicken pot pies.

-Thanks to a certain friend who will not be named, every time I look at my autograph from Idina Menzel, I think it says "Zesty luck!" It actually says "Best of luck!" I can't decide which I like more.

- I have no patience.

- I should go to the Olympics for Procrastination

-I'm pretty sure rainy days in Southern California are more depressing than almost any other place in the world.

- I saw a black midget at CVS today. I feel really sorry for that guy.

-I hate how oblivious I am to the world. The AMDA bubble is not cool with me. I like knowing about current events and pretending I can actually do something to help.

- Why don't guys ever get named "teases"?

-WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW YOU?????????

-Don't answer the last statement. Chances are it wasn't for you. I'm a drama whore, so I wrote it. Move on please. Thank you kindly.

-My weirdness never ceases.

-That's what she said will never get old.

-Sexy man wall gives me endless joy.

-Mormon boys can be so adorable.

I think that's all. Maybe... Time to go memorize a bunch of crap for class tomorrow.

Garden State

I was in a mood. You know, one of those typical young adult angsty moods us 20 something years olds are known for. So, I decided to watch "Garden State". I had forgotten what a stellar movie it is. The last time I watched it was probably my freshman or sophomore year of high school, and it changed my life. The movie and the music. I actually listened to the soundtrack on the way to Seminary every morning to help keep me calm to the fact that I was awake at 5:45 in the morning when I didn't necessarily have to be. It became the soundtrack to my life. It's weird though, the movie brought me back to that place in my life, which was a huge turning point in itself, but it also appealed to me in a completely different way now. I guess when I first saw the movie, I was really searching for myself. I was 16 years old, clinically depressed, and completely lost. And now, I'm 20 years old, still clinically depressed, but dealing and managing, and pretty lost as to where I'm going with my life. I guess, this is just the quintessential "finding yourself" movie. I don't know why it seems to speak to people of my generation so strongly, but if I had to guess, I would say that the characters are just super relatable. Everyone goes through a point in their life where they don't know which direction is up, and it's just nice to know you're not alone in you quest for stability.

So, Zach Braff, thank you for making this beautiful thing. Thank you.

The Sun Has Come Out in Hollywood

It's been a weird day. It started off with me waking up before noon on Saturday, which is a very rare occurrence. I needed to go to Samuel French to get a play for one of my classes, so Jade accompanied me so I wouldn't get creeped on. Well, on the way there, I look to my left while at a light and I see someone wearing a leopard print coat. Of course that got my attention, because I'm slightly obsessed with leopard print. But then I noticed something peculiar, first off, it's like, 75 degrees out, so not fur coat weather, second, the person was wearing a dress over jeans, and third, it was a homeless man. Only in Hollywood would you see a homeless tranny. Then on the drive back, we saw Barney, as in "I love you, you love me", walking down the street with his head off. Needless, to say, it ruined Jade's whole concept of life and the world. And then, I found Sudafed in my car, which was a total win, since I've been sick with no medicine since Tuesday.

Then tonight, I had my first legitimate, with an audience, performance at AMDA. It was absolutely awesome. Broadway great, Danny Gurwin (Laurie in the OBC of Little Women) was our director. So that in it's self was great, but he also complemented Jade and I on our performance and said that we were really funny! I can honestly say that is one of the best compliments I have gotten in my entire life. I mean Danny Freaking Gurwin liked my performance! AND my voice lasted through both performances!

AND it's finally sunny in California! Imagine that?

So, now that I have a renewed confidence in my performance capabilities (which is a good thing since I plan on making a living this way), life seems a little brighter. So here's to a bright future and hopefully many great performances and compliments to come!

Diary of A Sicky Kid

I'm sick and I have a vocal master class tomorrow and two performances on Saturday (my first show at AMDA too!). This sucks. And on top of everything, I don't know what to do, because I usually play the mamma and take care of everyone when they're sick. So, what do I do when I'm sick?

8:30 am make-up class tomorrow. Uhhhgggg.................................

Why does my body hate me so?

I Did It!!!

Something finally went well in my life/career! I finally landed an audition! It's been years since I have been in an actual show and now I will be performing in the AMDA Cafe Series this Saturday! I can't tell you how excited and happy this makes me! I just wanted to share my new good fortune with all of you. Here's hoping it's the start of a happy trend in my life!

Creative Writing Poetry Assignment

So, I finally got my poetry assignment back in my creative writing class and I am eager to share them with you as I got a 95 on them. The first is in sonnet form, so that was an interesting learning experience, and the second and third are both free verse, so I had a much more enjoyable time working on them. I hope you enjoy them.

Wanting

To love is more then I have known in life.

It likes to punch me in the face a lot.

By giving me a lot of pain and strife

And turning me into an, almost, sot.

But still, I’d like to know it very soon;

To feel it hold me tightly with it’s arms

And draw me close under the silv’ry moon

And keep me near forever with it’s charms.

If love would give me something beautiful,

With pink and yellow flowers like a song,

Whose greatness makes me sing and fills my soul.

Then life would never ‘gain do any wrong.

It’s cool ‘cause I don’t need to have it now.

But soon would make it easier, and how.

“A Man”

I’m full, like a balloon

Sweet and fragile

Ready to burst

So lovely and perfect

This feeling sublime

Ecstasy.

I’m enveloped completely

With thoughts of you

Slowly singing sweetly

Songs of seduction

Now wrap your strong arms around my waist

Heaven.

You are bewitching

I am held captive by your spell

A wizard of mythical status

Voldemort and Dumbledore can’t compete

Your wand contains my heart strings

Magic.

Tissue and muscle

That’s all it is, in the physical sense

So why this emotion?

Why all this strain?

Love is so much more than a feeling.

My heart.

I’m afraid for the future.

Time’s terrible torture tests

God brought you back into my life

What a beautiful gift.

But how to use it?

A Do over.

We cannot control our lives

Despite how hard we may try.

There is a plan

It is controlled madness

All we can do is wait.

Faith.

“A Boy”

How many tears will I cry ?

Salty drops of purity

My tears will never lie

One

For the day you appeared

Two

For the years you were gone

Three

For when, again you appeared

like a mirage in my desert

Four

For the your personage being real

Five

For your kindness, your heart, and your smile

Six

For all the things I hope we will be

Seven

For all the things we may never be

Eight

For the nights spent lying awake

On the bathroom floor

Nine

For the times you opened my door

Ten

For not being able to see myself with anyone but you

How many tears will I cry?

The answer is unknown

But innumerable if I don’t try.

Love, Love, Love

Love seems to be the main subject on my mind as of late. All sorts of love, romantic love, self love, love of humanity, spiritual love, friendly love, lack of love, just love love love love. I don't know why, maybe it's just my idealist nature. I just love love. I love feeling it and giving it. Now, there are only certain types of love a have been given, but I think I've given every kind of love possible. I just love to love. I have so many things in my life to love. I'm kind of down at the moment, but the thought of all the love that I am surrounded by gives me hope for me future. If everyone would love each other with even an ounce of the love we, as children of God, are capable of, this world would be infinitely more beautiful. I believe that with love we could end poverty, end hunger, end greed, and end war. Not to be a cliche, but the Beatles said it best, "Love is all we need".

Sunday Fun-day Life Lessons

God works in mysterious ways. On the way to church today, I was talking to a friend about a certain situation in my life and how I've been praying for confirmation one way or the other, but I seem to be stuck in limbo. I was also saying how, since I've been such a good girl for so long, I feel slightly entitled to have my prayers about this answered. Looking back, I know this was all a bit selfish and I see my lack of faith, but in the moment, it was, and has been the way I really feel. So, when we got to church, we went straight to Gospel Doctrine (which is like a Bible study class) and we were talking about Zaccarius's lack of faith when an angel told him his wife would become pregnant and him, subsequently, being stuck dumb until the birth. In contrast we were also talking about Mary's faith when the angel told her that she was going to give birth to Christ. The teacher ended up saying almost the exact phrase that I said in the car about feeling entitled to answers to prayer. I knew at this point in time that Heavenly Father was telling me that I need to have more faith. He always answers prayers, but he does it in his own time, in a way that he sees necessary. It was exactly what I needed to hear at this time in my life. I'm so glad that I have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life and the opportunity to receive personal revelation. I now he loves me. As I said before, God works in mysterious ways.

May you all have a week full of love and happiness and may you all see the beautiful ways in which God works.

Drunkies

I realized tonight that I kind of love drunk people. Actually it's a bit of a love/hate relationship, cause sometimes they piss me off when they're loud and/or mean. That being said, drunkies just make me feel so good about myself. They always tell me how much they love me and I always get to take care of them, which makes me feel good about myself. I just like taking care of people, like a mom. So yeah. That's that. I'm gonna go take care of my roommate.

Let the Sunshine In

Last night I saw the opening show of the "Hair" tour in LA. It was absolutely amazing. This show is life changing. Hippie Meredith is now back in full force ready to save the world one hug or smile at a time. I just want to love everyone and show them how special they are. Everyone is beautiful in some way and deserves to know it. God made us all as brothers and sisters and we should treat each other as such. We are all one big family!!!! I LOVE HAIR!!!!!!!!

My friends and roommate better be ready for lots of Mamma's and the Papa's, Simon and Garfunkel, Bob Dylan, Jefferson Airplane, and Creedence being played in the near future.

Revenge

Loaded and drawn

I’ve a sharp mind

And a quick temper

My weapons of mass destruction

A petite young lady

And easy target

Just aim and shoot

A bullet to the heart

But this heart is made of steel

I draw my weapons

A modern day Annie Oakley

These bullets designed to pierce

Deeper then the depths of Hades

Your mistress is here

Waiting for her revenge.

Unreality

I got good feedback on this poem, so I thought I'd post it. Enjoy ya'lls.

Unreality

Is that really you,

With your coy smirk?

How charming you are.

Beckoning me to come hither.

Slowly

I proceed with caution

I break through the barrier

Confidence building with every step.

The sort I have never known.

Prince Charming

A God among men.

I am Cinderella

Dressed in my best to impress

Only you.

Always you.

But as I approach

The image becomes fuzzy

Slowly dissipating

Into nothingness

Back into the nothingness I know so well

Dark

Dreary

Home?

You’re not who I thought you were.

Just an empty, poisonous smile.

It's 2011 Kids!

I have A LOT on my mind right now. Where to start?

I guess I'll talk about my New Years resolutions. I don't normally make any, cause I think their kind of pointless, cause everyone ends up breaking them. But whatever. I'm bored and trying to keep distracted. (I've been cleaning my apartment furiously) This year I've decided that I am going to appear fearless in relationship to .... relationships (That was fun wordplay). I am going to let people know how I feel about them and not hide my feelings anymore, cause it's pointless. Nothing will ever happen unless you do something about it. And, I would like to finally have my first real kiss/ be in a relationship, and telling people how you feel normally is necessary for that. I'm also going to try to loose weight, specifically to rub my awesome bod and hotness in the faces of everyone who has ever turned me down, made fun of me, or doubted me. I know it's kind of a selfish reason, but whatever. I want to strive to be happier this year, since the last year was so crappy. I want to get a role in something, I don't care what, just something. I haven't been in a show in waaaaaay too long, so seeing as how I'm a musical theater major, I should probably start doing so.

So, I guess that's all. My mind is all over the place right now, so I don't know why I actually started this post anymore. Geeze, I'm a hot mess.

Well, here's to happy 2010!!!!! I love you all!!!!!