Just Do It

I would really like to know how people get to the point where they can live completely in the moment. It always seems like I'm just a second to late. I guess I just put too much trust in fate/the media. Fate, because I think, if it's meant to be, it will happen, which is probably totally wrong. I'm not going to get anywhere unless I take life and make of it what I want. And the media, because they portray decision making as so quick and easy, which is obviously wrong. I don't know. I really want to be the kind of person that lives in the moment and isn't afraid of life, I just don't know how. It's probably a pretty familiar feeling for someone my age. I feel like I'm trapped in "Garden State". Bluuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh!

Maybe Nike is right. Just do it!

Christmas Eve

It's Christmas Eve. It doesn't feel like it. I was woken up today by my fat cat puking on the end of my bed. I decided that was a sign from God to go back to sleep. I managed to stay in bed until approximately 3 pm. Dad and Seth are out being Santa and Elf, so it's just mom, myself, and the animals... eating Jack-in-the-box, watching "Christmas Vacation". We're in the middle of a lovely thunderstorm. I guess that's just Christmas in the Gibbs household in good old Houston, Texas.

I hope everyone has a merry Christmas and can enjoy the company of family and friends. I encourage everyone to take a little time to remember the true meaning of Christmas and reflect on the birth of the Lord, Jesus Christ.

I love you all!

I Cut Myself Shaving

Before my razor attacked my talus I was musing on life. Being in the bathtub tends to do that to me. I was running the steel blade of my razor up my leg when I came to the conclusion that I REALLY hope I am not/am not becoming/will not be one of those "LA pricks" so abhorred in popular culture. You know, the ones that are always like, "...well in LA..." I mean, I absolutely love living there, it's great, but my heart will forever be with Yellowstone and the Wasatch Mountains. Los Angeles could never compete with them.

I've also decided that all those people who think that Disney is a load of crap because it trains us to believe that the love in their movies is actually attainable can go suck it. I've decided that, despite how jaded and bitter I may be toward relationships and love, the stories like those of Ariel and Prince Eric or Aladdin and Jasmine are what keep real love alive. The stories are so beautiful and without them true love would dwindle into complete obscurity. Believing in such things is beautiful and keeps us striving for the best in our companions. That probably didn't make much sense, but whatever, this is my blog and I'll say what I darn well please.

I would also like to dare everyone to go out of their comfort zone and tell someone how you really feel about them and how much you appreciate them. I recently did so, and though it may not have born the fruit I was hoping for, I feel like it freed me in a way I've never felt before. God may not always give you exactly what you want, but if you put your heart out there for someone else, he will reward you someway, somehow.

Also, if anyone is in the LA area between now and January 2nd, or anywhere else the show will be coming in the next year, you should definitely go see the musical "Next to Normal". It will change your life. It's definitely not a completely family friendly show, but it is most definitely a great show. I cried my eyes out through the whole show and still went back to see it a second time (though I had some selfish reasons to be seeing it again). The whole cast gives a stellar performance from start to finish and if you go by the stage door afterward, they are all very friendly and seem more than willing to sign playbills and have a quick chat.

Baaaaaaaallllllssssyyyyyy

Well, I've noticed that I've been a lot "ballsier" than normal lately. I guess that's a good thing. When you're "ballsy" you don't have the opportunity to wonder "what if". I mean, even if things don't work out the way you want them too, at least you tried. I personally believe that being "ballsy" helps people to grow up. You get in a lot more life experience that way (this coming from a twenty year old).

So here's to going "balls to the walls" and using lots of quotation marks!

Long live the "ballsy"!

"Goonies never say die!"

Just the Way I Like It

Just the Way I Like It

The power you wield is explosive

You’ve blown my mind to smithereens

I want to repair the damage

But I like the way it looks to me

Torn, tattered, terrible

Bruised, battered, unbearable

And Just the way I like it.

I should be writing sonnets

Full of Iambic flowers

Instead my mind is full to the brim

Bound to explode in carnal showers

Violent, vulgar, volatile

Vulnerable, vindictive, vile

And just the way I like it.

I’ve built you up to mythic status

Like a monument to your grace

Such fragility, I’m afraid to touch you

But every time I see your face

I know that...

The power you wield is explosive

you’ve blown my mind to smithereens

I want to repair the damage

But I like the way it looks to me

Torn, tattered, terrible

Bruised, battered, unbearable

Violent vulgar, volatile

Vulnerable, vindictive, vile

I’m falling, falling, falling hard

Just the way I like it.

Insecurity

Insecurity

I feel like a child

Pubescent and awkward in every way

The expectation is perfection

Perfection I cannot obtain

You’re too fat, you’re too short

You’re too dumb, you’re too smart

A world full of “too’s”

And too little “just right”.

I’m like Goldilocks on a trip

Where the story never ends

And the bears never left

But stood over taunting

Their claws over my head

Ready to rip to shreds at the slightest twitch

It is a bear, a beast.

Merciless and vengeful

A green monster of spite.

Lurking...

Waiting...

For just the right time to strike...

L.A. Love Affair

L.A. Love Affair

Gold and blue is the sky.

I see your jagged outline,

Like monstrous teeth

Exuding romance of days gone by.

Sirens, they scream.

The air smells like sewage.

Streets full of shopping carts

Like a distopian dream.

A room full of friends;

Endless good times together,

Endless strife to unite us.

A unity that never ends

A place with so many personalities,

Our own personal city of sins.

Still, her beauty shines through.

Until forever, could I stay.

This is why I love you, L.A.

You

*My creativity has been flowing strongly lately, so I've been writing poetry like crazy. Therefore, my next few post will be the poems I've written in the last couple of weeks.*

You

Your hair .

Your eyes.

Your face.

Your smile.

Your kindness.

Your joy in life.

Your voice.

Your lines.

Your everything.

You’re perfect.

Word of Wisdom (Or something like that)

Word of wisdom for everyone (especially myself):

God works in mysterious ways. Everyone comes into our lives for a reason.

YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT!!!!!!!!

Getting into Character

The Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Think of twenty fictional characters (television, films, plays, books, video games, etc.) who've influenced you and that will always stick with you. List the first twenty you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. [Optional] Tag fifteen friends. because I'm interested in seeing what characters my friends choose.

1. JD (Scrubs)
2. Elliot (Scrubs)
3. Topanga (Boy Meets World)
4. Christopher McCandless aka Alexander Supertramp (Into the Wild)
5. Olive (Little Miss Sunshine)
6. Natalie (Next to Normal)
7. Samantha Baker (16 Candles)
8. Michael Bluth/George-Michael Bluth (Arrested Development)
9. Alice (Twilight)
10. Holly Golightly (Breakfast at Tiffany’s)
11. Fanny Brice (Funny Girl)
12. Cady Heron (Mean Girls)
13. Ariel (The Little Mermaid)
14. Mia Thermopolis (The Princess Diaries)
15. Moritz (Spring Awakening)
16. Holden Caulfield (Catcher in the Rye)
17. Charlie (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)
18. Sam (Garden State)
19. Liz Lemmon (30 Roc)
20. Frodo Baggins (Lord of the Rings)

No Shave November?

So, while I was in the shower tonight, I realized why "No Shave November" is not for women. I will have you know that now my legs and pits are smooth as a babies bottom. Thank you AMDA for stressing me out so much and using up all my time so that I have begun to look French.

So, here's to the greatness that is "No Shave November". Goodbye until next year!

You're welcome.

Just FYI BoyEEEEEz

Shout out to all my ladies who get referred to as "bros". I have high hopes that someday a decent guy will realize that I am not in fact, a man, or "bro" and that I am quite womanly. I also have high hopes that someday a guy will realize that I am actually a woman, and feel the same emotions as other women.

In other words: I AM A GIRL AND I WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A GIRL SOMETIMES!!!!!!! STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE ONE OF THE BOYS ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!

Thank you, and have nice day! :)

Happy (Late) Thanksgiving!

I just wanted to wish everyone a happy (late) Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for! I'm thankful for:

1) My family

2) My friends

3) The opportunity to live in LA and do what I love everyday.

4) The gospel of Jesus Christ in my life

5) The talents I have been blessed with and the opportunity to share them

6) All the luxuries that I have that so many people in this world do not, such as, clean water, food, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, shoes on my feet, and fairly good health.

My Heavenly Father has just blessed me so much and I hope everyone that reads this will be inspired to look at all they are blessed with and give thanks.

I love you all!!!!!!

Catch Me, I'm Falling

Today was crazy. I've been sick for two days now and I was miraculously better for my amazing night tonight. Yes, it wasn't all fun and games as there where some rocky points, one involving a fruitless journey to an invisible Starbucks. But, alas things got better. I got to see "Next to Normal" and was completely blown away. What an amazing show. I can't believe I actually got to see Alice Ripley perform live. Not to mention that I got to see my dear friend Preston play the part of Henry. He was fantastic! After the show he took me and Thomas backstage and I got to see an old director of mine, Dontee Keihn, who is the choreographer on the show. Afterwards he stayed and talked to my friends and I for a while. I'm so proud of him and so proud to know such a talented person. I can't wait to hang out with him sometime soon.

Then on the way home we played an epic 8 stop game of subway surfing. I totally beasted it with a score of 0. I won!!! Then as we were coming out of the subway there was a homeless lady runing around with a pole in between her legs shouting "Someone help me, I have something up my a**!" And then she ran away giggling.

Oh, Hollywood...

Super Meredith to the Rescue!!!!!!

I really need to be better at this whole keeping up with my blog thing. Thus, I am blogging at 1:35 in the morning. Granted, I was watching "Into the Wild" , one of my top 5 movies, and it always gets me thinking.

It's been a weird week. Very long. I had my first stage kiss (well, technically my first kiss ever, but it was in front of my whole class and with a gay man, so it still doesn't really count). It was awkward as all get out, but I'm glad I've finally gotten that over with. I figured, being an actor, it would happen eventually.

I was in a weird mood early in the week, kind of lonely, so I set my sights on saving the world. It happens about once a year, and I decided that it is my duty to try and save the planet. Last time, I went on an environmentalism kick, but this time I'm focusing on the human element. I watched a documentary about the "clean water crisis" and read an article about the food shortage around the world and another one having to do with the Fistula Foundation. So I spent my whole evening on Oxfam America's website signing petitions and looking for volunteer opportunities. I also discovered (well, rediscovered) a great game on www.freerice.com. It just a bunch of quiz sort of things and for every question you get right, they donate ten grains of rice to people in need. I know, being so busy with school and being so short on money, there isn't too much I can do, but the fact that I found this website makes me feel a little bit better about my contributions to society.

It's raining outside! I can't believe it. It's been pretty dry for the last couple of weeks. Today was a perfect cloud covered day. I love it when LA is like this, which isn't often. I could sit here and listen to the rain make it's beautiful music for days. It's moments like this that make me glad to be alive.

Adventures in Hollywood: Tool Academy Edition

I am about to start my second week as a second semester at AMDA LA. That's right, I made it through my first week without killing a. My self b. My teachers c. My friends d. Any homeless people. So I would say that makes it a success.

My homework load is already ridiculous, so I'm a tad bit terrified for the rest of the semester. I already have to memorize a crap load of stuff. Tomorrow I start dance classes, so that'll be interesting.

I believe that this year I will get really good at snooping. You see, my apartment is in quite the opportune spot for this sport. The very end of the building, next to the patio thing. I guess people don't realize that someone lives here, so they stand right next to our window and talk really loudly, normally about themselves. I already have named one the biggest tool of all time. I really want to find a way to scare the crap out of him one day. Maybe that's mean. I don't care.

So, here's to a good next week and actually getting enough sleep.

Chick Flicks and Other Myths

So, I've been in a bit of a mood lately. Things at home have been... less than ideal. Same goes for the rest of my life. Seeing as how I've been in this "mood", I've been watching a lot of chick flicks in hopes of getting a good cry. That cry hasn't been found yet, but what has been found is the complete unreality of these movies.

Now, I'm a complainer. I complain about my problems a lot. Especially regarding my romantic relationships, or lack thereof. So, most know my story, 20 years old and a total life virgin. That's right, never been kissed, never had a real boyfriend, never even held hands. So, that being said, these movies piss me off. Well, not just these movies, but ever television show too. For all the characters, unless their complete nerds or creeps, relationships come and go like the seasons. Everyone has a long list of ex's. So, I'm wondering, is this what the real world is like too? And if so, what's my deal? I mean, not to toot my own horn, but I think I'm a pretty nice catch. So what's with all the people around me, both in film and real life, and not all such... great catches, having relationships left and right. Getting to learn from their mistakes I guess. And then there's me, watching from the sidelines.

I use to get really sad about this, not so much anymore. I mean, I have a life and I've never had to make room for another person in my life, and I don't think I would know how to if one came along. But still, I wonder what this other life is like. What it's like to have someone who can't wait to see your face everyday. I'm starting to think that my new roommate was right when she said, "Maybe your just one of those people who will only have one person. And like, that person will be the one." I don't know if I want this or not. I mean, it is quite romantic. But, I don't know, maybe I want a little bit more excitement in my life. Excitement that I can control in some way. Or maybe I just want validation. Who knows, I sure don't.

Behold, Nutella, the Paste of the Gods!!!

I think I have a microscopic piece of glass in my left index finger. I accidentally broke a candle holder in my bathroom while opening the window. You see, we got a cold front today, and I recently went through a faze where I enjoyed candle light baths on a daily basis. I doubt this cold front will even necessitate a jacket, but at least I won't brake a sweat just walking to my car. I'm getting really sick of getting to work with a big sweat spot on my back. Kids aren't exactly kind when it comes to that sort of stuff. Like today, I took my hair out of a ponytail, thinking it looked pretty good. Then a little girl asked me why my hair was all messed up. So, the pony tail was redone and stayed that way for a while.

I can't sleep. Actually, I don't particularly want to sleep. It use to be my favorite thing in the whole world. But lately, it just seems like a waste of time. That is, until I actually go to sleep, and then I don't want to wake up and anyone who tries wake me gets a fist full of fury to their fragile psyches. So, instead of sleeping, I have been shamelessly facebook stalking. You know, it's quite a great way to pass the time, especially when your avoiding packing. I leave for school in a week, and while I'm glad to go back, it's kind of bittersweet. I won't go into why, cause it makes me look like a stupid little girl, and I like to sometimes think of myself as an adult woman. So, instead of sleeping, or packing, I am babbling on my blog that, like, four people actually read, while The Weather Channel is on in the background (don't make fun! It's the only thing on at 4 in the morning and it soothes me). It's no wonder I'm a 20 year old life virgin. In order to make room for a guy I would have to get rid of my sacred rituals, like facebook stalking, needless blogging, Weather Channel watching, not packing, and stuffing my face with the last bites of Nutella left in the jar. I mean, who in their right mind would want to do that!

Anyway, my finger hurts, and I'm hungry, and I need to go ahead and read my scriptures so I can go to sleep and maybe not completely hate myself when a baby is vommiting on my pants and I can't keep my eyes open at work tomorrow... well, actually, later today.

What Rhymes with Kissy, Starts with a "P", and Describes Me?

My face burns, my head hurts, my ovaries hurt, my nose won't stop running, I'm sneezy, allergies suck, my face looks like a pizza, my feet hurt, my butt's sore, I'm covered in flea bites, I have happy pills stuck in my throat, I'm depressed, my IBS is acting up, I'm too fat, the ice-maker doesn't work, the Sonic Ice is all stuck together, the dishwasher doesn't work, it's too hot in here, it's too hot out there, I'm not in California, my best friend's body has been taken over by school Nazis, I can't sleep, my Invisalign is cracked, my hair is too wet still, and the voices of the actors on "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" irritate the crap out of me but it's the only thing on tv at 4am.

By the way, I think I'm in a bad mood, or depressed, or something like that.

House Sitting a.k.a. I Want My Mommy!

I have been home alone for 5 days now. I'm starting to go a bit stir crazy. I have at least 6 days left.

It's been a crazy time. My first day started off with my dog peeing red on the carpet. I freaked out! I didn't know what was going on. I thought my dog was dying and I was going to have to rush her to the doggy emergency room. All of this at 4 am. So I called my mom, crying. Then she told me, what everyone had forgotten to tell me: She's been doing this for months now. In fact, it's the reason we found out she has lung cancer. So, my mom calms me down, kind of, and I get off of the phone with her, and I sit on the stairs bawling my eyes out. So much that I started gagging and thought I was going to choke and die.

So, I finally get to bed a almost 6 am. Then I wake up at like, 3 pm and everything is going fine. I'm was suppose to go see one of my best friends in a production of "Singing in the Rain" and then go out to dinner afterward. I was so excited cause this was the first time I will be able to see her since I've been home from college. I get all dolled up and go out to the car. I turn the ignition and it sputters. I turn the ignition again and no sound at all. I turn it again. No sound. Again. No sound. Then I start crying. Again. I call my mom three times, and no answer. So I'm forced to call my dad, who's not the most comforting in crisis situations. He basically tells me it had to be something that I did and starts telling me to stop crying. NEVER tell a crying woman to stop crying. I yell at him to get my mom on the phone. She does her perfect motherly thing and calms me down enough to answer the door when a guy from church comes by (my dad called him) to help me with the car. We go out to the car and it starts for him the first try. Apparently you must have the priesthood to successfully start my car now. So I get in and it starts for me two times in a row. Talk about embarrassing. So I go back inside and call my mom, who tells me to get going to the show cause I need something good in my day.

So, I start driving to the show and I'm still kind of freaked out and a little teary-eyed. I'm almost there, when I realize I am barefoot and I forgot to bring my shoes. So not only are my eyes all puffy and red, all my make- up gone thus exposing my all of a sudden acne prone skin, but I am barefoot, going to a theater. So I start crying again until I remember I have a pair of obnoxious green flip flops in the back seat of my car left over from the move home from school. THANK YOU GOD!

I come home and try to take the dogs outside to go potty, since they had only gone once this day. They won't go. So I get out the leash. Success! The go out and I lead them around the yard. Then I start feeling pinching on my feet. There are fire ants covering my feet.

I run inside and wash my feet in the shower. Now my feet are all swollen and red with VERY itchy ant bites.

Fast forward 24 hours. I'm back at home and things are going a lot better. I decide to be domestic and clean make dinner for myself. I made pasta with cheese sauce. The cheese sauce didn't turn out the way it was suppose to, but it was still very good. I got to do the dished and the dished I put in earlier are still dirty, and, oh yeah, the dishwasher isn't draining. Another thing I was not told about: our dishwasher doesn't drain well. So I give up on domesticity and head for bed. The dogs have eaten my last pair of earplugs, and the remnants are strewn across the floor by my parents bed. Great. I had just watched Ghost Hunters and finished reading my book for the night, House of Leaves. I laid in bed for two hours, wide awake, jumping at every little sound. Again, I don't fall asleep until almost 6 am.

Fast forward to today. I've taken on my mom's duties and taken my granny out shopping, which in and of itself is a feat worthy of nice long nap. I love her to death, but my goodness, she's high maintenance. So I come home and take a nap until I need to leave for my church Institute class (it's like Bible study). I forgot to set an alarm. My class starts at 7: 30 in Alvin, 3o minutes down the road. I wake up at 8:30. So I get up and put on my pajamas and sit down with my computer. Then I start hearing sounds from the bathroom next to me. All the animals are either next to me or upstairs. I look in the bathroom and all of the shampoo and bodywash what-nots are on the floor of the shower. Their is a ghost in my parents shower. And to add to this, I keep hearing gurgling noises next to my chair. It seems they are coming from my dog and yes, she is having horrible gas. Either that, or there is something living under my chair, or under the bed. Either way, it's isn't exactly comforting.

Long story short. This house is too big and my mom needs to come home.

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes?

I had a really weird dream last night. I was back at AMDA and it was all redone, really nicely. All the guys from Allview moved into the apartment next door to me in Vine and they were running around with prop machine guns "shooting up" the school. Meanwhile, I was a group leader for orientation and all of the people were going crazy and I had to keep them calm, cause I was the only one who knew it was fake. Then I met two girls who were Mormon, and that was awesome. Thomas, Kayla, Myself, and KayKay were the only MB's left, and we were in Kevin Owers' class with a bunch of first semesters and I was the only one who didn't have a song to sing. Thomas kept stealing my chair from me so some hot girl could sit next to him. So every time I went to sit down, I fell on the floor. Then I went into my dorm room, and it was an attic space painted yellow. Just big enough for my bed and walking around. The walls were covered with pictures of Molly Ringwald and some guy that looked just like her and posters for a movie with John Cusack and Duckie( from Pretty in Pink) where the are professing their love for 80's redheads. Then the movie ends up being in my room and I'm just watching them from the corner. Then I woke up.

Inception...

was ridiculous. Everyone needs to see it now! It was a total mind trip. It really makes you think. The cinematograph was gorgeous and the screen play was so inventive. Definitely going on my "best movie ever" list. I don't know how this movie will not win Oscars.

It also made me realize two new life goals:

1. Be in a movie with Leonardo Dicaprio

2. Marry Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Also, I think this is the first movie I have seen where Cillian Murphy did not play the bad guy.

Does Anyone Else....

Think Robert from So You Think You Can Dance is super hot?

Dear LA, please let me meet him!

Texas Irritants

I have a few things on my mind today: allergies, irritants, marriage, and babies.

My allergies are going nuts! I think Texas has decided it hates me. I haven't had one good day, allergy free since I've been home. It could be the fact that I am significantly allergic to cats, and I have three that I love very much. Or, it could be the fact that Texas has every kind of pollen and mold possible. Especially Houston, it's like a breeding ground for all thinks miserable. You hate mosquitos? We've got swarms! You hate fire ants? We've got mountains of them! You hate humidity? It's always about 200% here! Not to mention the fact that it was 80 degrees INSIDE Walmart today. And people wonder why I don't like Texas.

I've been realizing lately that everyone is getting pregnant or getting married. It's ridiculous. My brother said it didn't start happening to all of his friends until he was about 21. I'm 18. Just about everyday I get onto facebook and see that another person is expecting or another person is engaged. What's going on. It's like I completely disappeared and everyone's lives but mine, fast forwarded about three years. Maybe I need to start drinking more water...

Song of the Post: The Chain- Ingrid Michaelson

Summer, Summer, Summertime

Well, I've been home from school for a week and five days now and what have I done you ask? Well I've collected quite a lot of z's, made a couple handfuls of successful families on The Sims 3, caught up on all of my stories except for "Lost". I know, it's quite an impressive list. How did I do it all you ask? Well it took a lot of effort on my part. It's really hard to sleep so much and spend so very much time in bed, but I managed to do it. I give a good amount of credit to Pearland, Tx and it's minuscule amount of things for anyone above the age of 14 to do. It's been a long and hard journey, but I did it and I'm so proud of my self.

There is some news that might put a damper on my summer successes, I have a job interview tomorrow at the YMCA. I hope this doesn't make my summer too much more exciting!

CONGRATULATIONS

When I talk to my friends at school in LA, I refer to two best friends, Sarah, the Hispanic one and Caitlin, the white one. I know, horrible, but that's beside the point. Above is a picture of Caitlin and myself. I am so very VERY proud to say that she is officially a New York City Radio City Rockette!!!!!!!!! When I found out, I was moved to tears. Just a year ago, I was terrified that I might never get to see her beautiful self again, not to mention terrified that she would never get to live out her dreams. Be here we are July 2010, and she is living her dream. Caitlin is one of my heroes. She's gone through so much, but she's still beautiful, sweet, smart, a has the strongest faith of anyone I know. She is such an inspiration and reminds me that dreams DO come true.

I love you Caitlin!

...Home?

So, I'm home for the summer. It's been a week and all that I have done is job hunting, play The Sims 3, and a little unpacking. My first weekend was interesting, I went to a club called Rich's for my best friend's co-worker's birthday party. We had a good time dancing and it was a nice way to ween me back into this lifestyle. But other than that, it has rained. Rained, rained, rained some more, rained alot more, and rained again. I guess it's God's way of letting me know what I was missing while in L.A. I was originally very glad to be coming home. I had a great time at my brother's new house in Sacramento. I had really nice time driving home with my mom starting with a drive along the Pacific Coast Highway stopping in Morro Bay and making a detour to Hearst Castle down to Huntington Beach, CA, then cutting across California through Barstow, then over to Las Vegas and the Hover Dam, stopping in Kingman, AZ before checking out the Grand Canyon, then a time on Route 66 into New Mexico. Then down to El Paso where we were greated with a dust storm-thunderstom hybrid and a nice hotel where we could see over to Mexico. Then an epic 700 mile, one day treck home to Pearland. But now that I'm back, I'm missing Hollywood. I miss all of my friends so much, my beloved "Fam", my MB classmates, and even some certain people that I told myself I would not and could not miss. I'm already beginning to count down the days until classes start. This makes me happy though, since I never had a typical high school experience, and I vowed that college would make up for that. Now, I am proud to say that AMDA is doing just that, and then some. Don't get me wrong though, I am very glad to be home with my mom and to have seen my other brother this weekend, and of course, to see my animals. I guess it's just bittersweet.

Next order of business- I think my blog needs a new name. I originally got the idea for "Fresh Eyes in the Morning" from a Bright Eyes song and thought it was so clever. But now I don't think it's an adequate description about what this blog is all about. So if you feel so inclined, post a comment with your ideas. I would greatly appreciate them, though I guess I should try to come up with it myself (I actually did come up with one while I was doing my typical "I-can't-sleep-so-I'm-going-to-lay-here-and-try-to-solve-all-the-world's-problems" routine, but unfortunately I did eventually fall asleep and now I can't remember).

Also, you guys should check out at song called "Sunshine" by Atmosphere. A friend of mine introduced me to this song a while back and I fell in love. It's a pretty good summer song anyway, so check it out!

Stay sweet- Meredith

Nicotine

You are everything I’ve never wanted
You are everything I’ll never need.
You are every vice, every thorn, every bad habit.
You are like a drug with nothing but side effects.

You are everything I want.
You are everything I think I need.
You are every smile, every flower, every good deed.
You are like my Vitamin C.

You are everything I never needed.
You are everything I see.

When I walk outside the door, I hope to see you there.
When I hear you sing a song, I hope it’s about me.
When I close my eyes to dream at night, I hope you’re dreaming about me.
When I can’t find the light, I hope you’ll be my sun.
When I feel like I’m trapped in a prison, I hope you’ll come to the rescue.

You are everything I never needed.
You are everything I see.

Check Out My Glee Audition

Please go check out my Glee audition and give me gold stars so my dreams of being a movie star can come true!

http://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=31475628

Long Lost Poetry

So here are some poems I've been meaning to post for quite a long time. It's crazy how school gets you so wrapped up.

All the ways I feel

Are bubbling up inside

One way and then another

But one thing remains the same

The way I feel for you

And the undeniable truth that you will never feel the same

So the feelings will go back and forth and over my head

Around the room and back again

Through my heart until it breaks

And all the kings men can't put it together again.

The way it use to be was heaven and hell

But most of the days it was the first

Now that the secrets exposed and change forced upon me

It seems it will always be the latter.

So I see the undeniable truth that you will never feel the same

So the feelings will go back and forth

And over my head

Around the room and back again

Through my heart until it breaks

And all the kings men can't put it together again

To God I plead down on my knees

To make the pain go away

I'm on my knees, to the Lord I plead

To make the shame fade away

Still the feelings go back and forth

And over my head

Around the room and back again

Through my heart until it breaks

And all the kings men can't put it together again

And the second:

There's never a dull moment inside my head

The colors and sights are so vivid

Like a land of faries and butterfly wings

All up to one corner

It's in this corner that I store my fear and sadness.

It's in this corner that loneliness dwells

Although it's just a corner,

That it all it takes

To overcome my entire being

With paranoia and tears

Their colors are black and blue

And their effects are everlasting

Some say to live and let live

But within my corner,

It's live and let die.

And in my corner I stay.

Tales of Hollwyood: Keeping Up

Kay, so I'm trying to be better at this whole blogging thing, but it just doesn't seem to be working. I haven't had much interesting to write about lately, and if I had written, it would have been just a bunch of whiney sentences.
So, I guess to keep everyone in the loop, I'll just say that I'm doing fine. Hollywood is crazy as always and I'm super swamped with work since it's the almost the end of the semester.

Tales of Hollywood: Dear Lord....

So, it's 2:07 pm on a Sunday in Los Angeles and I am sitting in the AMDA computer lab taking in the lovely leftover barbecue pit smell from the fire in the elevator shaft last Tuesday. I'm not super happy seeing as how today I was suppose to take two of my best friends to church at 3:00 and have a gay old time, hopefully ending with me recieving some life changing revelation. But instead, both friends crapped out, and I found out that contrary to my dad's sworn belief, church started at 2:00 while I was in my crap clothes catching up on blogs because my own laptop won't even turn on, and I have rehearsals for my scene in acting at 4:00. So instead of having this wonderfully, life changing church experience, I will be wallowing in my normal self pity. Ain't life grand.

Though, I'm not saying that I don't have anything to be happy about. Yesterday, Anna, Jacob, and I went to the park from my new favorite movie 500 Days of Summer, called Angel's Knoll in downtown Los Angeles. It was picture perfect, literally, we took pictures. I still can't believe that I live here. Los Angeles, the city of angels, the second largest city in the US. It really is quite crazy. And all the while, I'm at school, not slaving away on term papers about things that I don't give a crap about, but doing what I love and having a gay old time doing so. I just wish that for once I could have a day where I go to bed saying, "Golly gee, today was just grand!" But I guess that's just not realistic.

I don't know why people hate LA. I absolutely love it. It's just full of so much life and color. Everywhere you turn, there is something to do, or something beautiful to look at. The people are generally quite hospitable, except for the crazy homeless people on the street corners. And the weather is almost perfect, compared to Houston. I really am so glad that I'm here.

It would just have been nice to have been able to attend church today...